Email #2

Dear Harriet, I thought id send this next email a little early. By the time I finish it will be just after midnight so I think that counts! I thought I'd write it now because Im having trouble settling down to sleep so today (or tonight) Im going to talk to you about where I sleep. Because I sleep on my sofa in my living room. Remember yesterday I mentioned that when my eldest was about six I started to suspect he had aspergers? Well it turns out I was right. He also has anxiety. And although he loves his little brother very much, he needs his own space. Until last July we lived in a 2 bed ground floor flat. My sons had bunkbeds in one room and I had the other room. As my son grew up his tantrums became less tantrum and more anxiety meltdown. He would not settle with the light off because he was frightened of the dark. Night time became the battleground, our home a warzone. The family above us added to this with their reactions. I tried to explain to them that the constant noise wasnt anything I could control and I was seeking help for, but with massive cuts to CAMHS I was getting no support from anyone. Assuming abuse, my neighbours contacted social services, who found no abuse, only a child in need of support and a mother at wits end trying to get that support. The more the neighbours screamed from above, banged doors and on their floor, came down and tried to kick my door in (three times this happened) all that happened was it added to my sons anxiety and made the situation worse. And with my son attacking his brother and throwing things, I was starting to fear for my youngest- a position no mother should ever be in. I saw no way out. In frustration, I moved my bed into the living room, seperated the bunk beds and moved my eldest into my old room. This didnt completely resolve the situation, but it helped a lot. With continuing allegations being made by neighbours who were now hell bent on making our lives a misery for their own amusement and were increasingly violent because as i later found out they were drug dealers, I was living in a personal hell. No amount of reporting to my landlord, Council or Police was helping, not even when the wife took a baseball bat to me three Christmas' ago. Finally, in Dec 2013, a social worker came out to investigate the latest fabrication and said the only risk my sons faced was from our neighbours and the situation needed resolving. Noting where I slept, she offered to write to ADC on my behalf. This helped a bit. ADC agreed to put me on the list, but only for two bedrooms. They chose to ignore her statement that my eldest needed his own room because he had aspergers and high anxiety and with the Bedroom Tax now a factor I was told no way would I get a three bedroom property. In July 2014 after a third breakdown from stress, following a course of CBT because i had become suicidal and experiencing early symptoms of psychosis, I was offered a 2 bedroom house, 3 miles away. I accepted. Im away from that toxic environment but having a smaller living room means no room for a bed. So now Im on the sofa. Which didnt seem to be too much of a problem because by now I was an insomniac. I didnt quite realise how dangerous this could potentially be however. I mean its quite simple, and even i know the facts. If you dont sleep, you go crazy and then you die. Thats why its used for torture. But when I suddenly collapsed in while doing Christmas shopping the week before last Christmas, i didnt expect to wake up surrounded by shop staff and paramedics and my sister and my Dad to be told id had a seizure. But thats what happens when you dont sleep. And although I was no longer in a toxic environment, it doesnt solve how your body has reprogrammed and conditioned itself to cope with what you are experiencing. So now its June and although Im sleeping better, stress doesnt go away over night, it comes in waves. A new challenge every time you get past the old ones. So Im awake, unable to settle, with heavy weights on my mind. Like how continued austerity and continued welfare cuts are going to directly and indirectly affect my family and everyone elses families. Because I am not the only one out there not sleeping, and I guess its not so bad for me, because im not sleeping rough wondering if my possessions will be seized or if I will get a £1000 fine or if, should I actually fall asleep tomorrow, I would wake up at all. So please, Harriet, stay true to your word and listen to me and the millions like me, listen to our voices and our stories. My story is being replicated in thousands of homes tonight, where carers are going without sleep and the vulnerable are going without support. Listen like you promised you would, to the people on the ground, in homes and on the streets. Goodnight Harriet, Constituent, Labour party member, Unite Community member, sleep deprived carer