Email #3

Dear Harriet

Today I'd like to talk to you about my eldest son.  I have mentioned that he has aspergers and that nightime can be a difficult time for him and us, but this isnt the only time.  Mornings are also difficult.  He has trouble settling.  I understand this because this is part of my problem: switching off an aspie brain is hard.  But its also hard switching it on and this is also because its tired from taking so long to "power down" from the night before.  Some mornings are worse than others.  On those mornings I end up having to at least threaten, if not actually. to fill a bucket with cold water to get him out of bed.  Rising is difficult physically too.  Every morning he wakes in pain with his back.

Before he can get out of bed, he needs to click his spine.  If he doesnt he will be in pain all day and obviously the pain affects his mood.  So a morning routine will, on a bad day, consist of me attempting to rise him several times while trying to get my youngest up dressed and breakfastted for the school day.  Meanwhile my sister and nephew are making their bus or train journey to the next village, to await a lift from me once my eldest has been dropped off at his high school which is in the same village.  Sometimes this triggers my own meltdown simply because its stressful.  I will go and sit in the car on the driveway in order to maintain control of my meltdown.  This saves me screaming the place down out of frustration.  Its a calmer way to deal with it.  But then this means I have to go back indoors several times to make sure my eldest is still on task.

This morning was a difficult morning and I had the added stress of it being a day when I had work booked in.  You see Im a self employed massage therapist and today I had clients booked in.  I had got used to several "good" mornings so booked my first client in for 9,30.  Of course the longer that my eldest takes to become "functionable" the later it gets and the more likely that everyone will be late to school and I will be late to my client.  Of course, lots of people who dont understand about neurodiversity and ASD would suggest I get up earlier.  Those who know better would know and understand that no matter what time I got him up, he would lie there until the last minute or would simply meltdown because it was still dark outside which signifies night to the literal aspie brain and you dont go to school at night or because they can see on a clock is "x" number of hours until school therefore no reason to get up.  Its extremely frustrating if you are not like this or your aspie brain tells you that you cannot possibly be late under any circumstances, the earlier you get there the better-and often that is how my aspie brain works: a stark contrast to my sons.  So you can see its a difficult situation.  And now, I have more stress to worry about because recently (in his wisdom) Mr Cameron has suggested that lateness, like unauthorised absence, should carry a fine.  My problem is that this happens almost every day on a bad week and Id get two sets of fines under this system. along with my sister.

Yesterday I mentioned my sister, so I wont explain again why she cant simply "move schools" and equally "moving house" isnt an option for her either.  And Ive tried explaining this to my son, but he doesnt see it as he makes us late when he cannot rise, he sees it as people should accept that he has a problem he cannot control-and he is right about that- but unfortunately the world increasingly does not make allowances for difference, and with the actions of the incumbent government influencing society, judgement and hate of difference are on the increase.  The increase of hate crime towards the disabled is shocking and disgusting in equal measure and it concerns me.  Not just because of how this affects my son but because of how it affects every disabled person.  The more the disabled are scapegoated the harder life is becoming for the most vulnerable of society.  Judgement and stigma are shaping society.  Labour says it wants a fairer society, so Labour need to address this at the fundamental core:  ensuring welfare reforms proposed by the incumbent government do not go unchallenged and creating polices that protect the vulnerable members of our society not scapegoating them for problems created by unfairness.  Iceland can provide you a good example of how to deal with this:  they bailed out their banks thereby protecting the economy and then brought about criminal charges for those who had acted wrongly within the banking system.

This can only be achieved if Labour returns to the left.  Centralist thinking does not go far enough to protect the vulnerable, nor does it punish the people who think their wealth makes them immune from the law.  Corporations who avoid paying tax need to be dealt with and the attacks on the poor need to be stopped.  This is the only way to achieve a fairer society.  This is not about whether people work or not.  It is a myth that people are "lazy and workshy"; there will always be those who can work and those who cannot.  But a fairer society looks after those who cannot work, rather than tells those who work that those who dont are "lazy and workshy".  Its degrading, demoralising and dehumanising to those who would work if able, who work as they are able and who are vulnerable not by choice but by circumstance.  

This sterotype needs to be broken down, not played up to.

Until Labour realise this, you will forever remain in opposition to a government who are incumbent by default, simply because you cannot convince enough people you are true to the values for which the party was formed.


Constituent, Labour party member, union member, sleep deprived carer, concerned citizen